Advocating for your adopted child

To be an effective advocate

Become informed. Knowledge is power.
Be assertive and organized, and keep accurate records.
Develop self-confidence and believe that you are on equal footing with the "experts" you meet.
Have determination and the desire to provide a loving home for a child.

Getting started

Identify your need (or your child's need).
Identify the service agencies available to address this need. Adoption Resource Network at Hillside can help. [hyperlink to Adoption Resource Network page]

Describe your need

Begin with your basic need, i.e.: "I want to adopt a child between the ages of eight and 12," or “My child needs help coping with the loss of his birth family.”

Then expand it to be as specific to your situation as possible:

"It is very important to me that the child is ambulatory."
"The gender or race does not matter."
"I need to find an agency that is comfortable working with me as an older adoptive parent (or single parent, gay parent, parent who already has children, etc.)."
“My daughter’s behavior is deteriorating and I think it may be related to her adoption. Where can I find help for her?”

Gather information

Talk to parents in an adoptive parent group about their experiences.
Find out about waiting children by subscribing to newsletters, reading waiting child features in newspapers, accessing websites, or seeing if match parties (sometimes called "matching events") are held in your area.
Check the resources listed in this site.

Investigate your options

Consider as many options as possible and evaluate them thoroughly before making a decision.

Read brochures from various agencies and adoption exchanges.
Attend orientation sessions at several agencies.
Participate in adoption fairs or other public awareness events.
Ask each agency if you can talk to one or more of their adoptive parents.
Join a parent support group.

Ask questions

Here are some of the questions you should ask before selecting an agency:

What is the agency's overall adoption philosophy? Are they receptive to adoptions by older parents, single parents, etc.? How do they match a child with a family? What role do they expect adoptive parents to play in the process?
What is the agency's time frame for placement? Will your name be placed on a waiting list or are there other ways to determine when you will receive services?
What costs and fees are involved?
How experienced is the agency at working with other agencies and exchanges? Does the agency do interstate placements?
What recourse will you have if you are not satisfied with the agency’s services? What grievance procedures do they have in place?

Become part of a larger group

Other parents will provide you with a wealth of information, listening ears, valuable contacts, and advocacy clout when needed. Don't wait until you are in a crisis or a state of desperation to ask for help. Establish connections with a group early in the process.

Join an adoptive parent support group in your area. If there isn't one, consider starting one.
If you are thinking of adopting a child with special needs, consider joining a specialized group such as United Cerebral Palsy, the Association for Retarded Citizens, etc.
Don't overlook foster parent associations.

Know your rights

Every state has advocacy offices, legal aid services, offices for the protection of rights for the disabled, etc. Use these services and learn about your rights as a citizen and as a client.

Build relationships

You will be most successful in your adoption efforts if you view yourself as a partner with the professionals, rather than as just a client. The steps you take early in the process to develop this relationship will pay off later. Once you have selected an agency to work with:

Don't call only when there’s a problem. Stay in touch with your agency at least once a month, more often if a match or possible placement is imminent.
Attend social gatherings, fundraising events, open houses, etc.
Become a volunteer.
Always be clear and pleasant when speaking about your needs.
Learn names, especially the names of the receptionist and others with whom you will have frequent contact.

Be Professional

Begin every interaction with either a positive or an empathy statement, such as:

"The information in the packet you sent was so helpful..."
"I understand you have a large caseload..."

Describe problems using "I" statements, not a "You" statements:

Instead of: "You’re taking too long to get me the information I asked for." Try: "I’m concerned about the length of time it is taking to get the medical history on the child we inquired about."

Ask for acknowledgement and clarification

"Do I have all the information straight? Is there more I need to know?"
Maintain an even voice tone, eye contact and non-offensive body language.

Offer options and possible solutions

"If scheduling is a problem, would it help if I came to your office instead?"

Plan a time to follow-up

"May I call you next Thursday to see if you have received the medical reports?"

Be polite

Always thank people and end conversations on a positive note.

Be accessible

Most social workers and social service agencies have limited resources and staff often assume many roles. The more accessible you are the better service you will receive.

Provide daytime phone numbers and places where you can be reached.
Attend all scheduled meetings and appointments, and be on time.
If you must miss an appointment, call in advance.

Be organized

Write down everything, keep good notes, and remember to take them with you when you visit your agency.
Make copies of everything you mail or turn in.
Be sure the information you provide is legible and clean.
Keep a log of all contacts, including dates and times, nature of contact (i.e. phone call, scheduled meeting, unplanned visit, etc.), names and titles of all people involved, and any promises made.
Be flexible with your time. Be willing to take an afternoon off from work or be willing to travel outside of your community.
Follow up every verbal contact in writing. Send a letter summarizing your phone conversation or meeting results.
When speaking to someone who does not have an answer for you, plan a specific time to call back. Do not wait for a return call.

Following Up

Stay in frequent contact with your worker and your agency.
Celebrate your victories.
Let others know about what you have learned—share your knowledge.

When problems occur

Increase the frequency of your communications.
Seek support from adoptive parent groups, Adoption Resource Network at Hillside Children’s Center, the North American Council on Adoptable Children representative, and/or child advocacy organizations.
Avoid "us" versus "them" conflicts. Remember that you and your agency are working as a team.
Move up the ladder one step at a time. If you have problems with a caseworker, go to his/her supervisor next, not directly all the way to the head of the agency.
Use the agency’s formal grievance procedures.
If you have exhausted internal mechanisms with no satisfactory resolution, get ideas, guidance, and support from more experienced members of your parent support group.




		To be an effective advocate Become informed. Knowledge is power. Be assertive and organized, and keep accurate records. Develop self-confidence and believe that you are on equal footing with the "experts" you meet. Have determination and the desire to provide a loving home for a child. Getting started Identify your need (or your child's need). Identify the service agencies available to address this need. Adoption Resource Network at Hillside can help. [hyperlink to Adoption Resource Network page] Describe your need Begin with your basic need, i.e.: "I want to adopt a child between the ages of eight and 12," or “My child needs help coping with the loss of his birth family.” Then expand it to be as specific to your situation as possible: "It is very important to me that the child is ambulatory." "The gender or race does not matter." "I need to find an agency that is comfortable working with me as an older adoptive parent (or single parent, gay parent, parent who already has children, etc.)." “My daughter’s behavior is deteriorating and I think it may be related to her adoption. Where can I find help for her?” Gather information Talk to parents in an adoptive parent group about their experiences. Find out about waiting children by subscribing to newsletters, reading waiting child features in newspapers, accessing websites, or seeing if match parties (sometimes called "matching events") are held in your area. Check the resources listed in this site. Investigate your options Consider as many options as possible and evaluate them thoroughly before making a decision. Read brochures from various agencies and adoption exchanges. Attend orientation sessions at several agencies. Participate in adoption fairs or other public awareness events. Ask each agency if you can talk to one or more of their adoptive parents. Join a parent support group. Ask questions Here are some of the questions you should ask before selecting an agency: What is the agency's overall adoption philosophy? Are they receptive to adoptions by older parents, single parents, etc.? How do they match a child with a family? What role do they expect adoptive parents to play in the process? What is the agency's time frame for placement? Will your name be placed on a waiting list or are there other ways to determine when you will receive services? What costs and fees are involved? How experienced is the agency at working with other agencies and exchanges? Does the agency do interstate placements? What recourse will you have if you are not satisfied with the agency’s services? What grievance procedures do they have in place? Become part of a larger group Other parents will provide you with a wealth of information, listening ears, valuable contacts, and advocacy clout when needed. Don't wait until you are in a crisis or a state of desperation to ask for help. Establish connections with a group early in the process. Join an adoptive parent support group in your area. If there isn't one, consider starting one. If you are thinking of adopting a child with special needs, consider joining a specialized group such as United Cerebral Palsy, the Association for Retarded Citizens, etc. Don't overlook foster parent associations. Know your rights Every state has advocacy offices, legal aid services, offices for the protection of rights for the disabled, etc. Use these services and learn about your rights as a citizen and as a client. Build relationships You will be most successful in your adoption efforts if you view yourself as a partner with the professionals, rather than as just a client. The steps you take early in the process to develop this relationship will pay off later. Once you have selected an agency to work with: Don't call only when there’s a problem. Stay in touch with your agency at least once a month, more often if a match or possible placement is imminent. Attend social gatherings, fundraising events, open houses, etc. Become a volunteer. Always be clear and pleasant when speaking about your needs. Learn names, especially the names of the receptionist and others with whom you will have frequent contact. Be Professional Begin every interaction with either a positive or an empathy statement, such as: "The information in the packet you sent was so helpful..." "I understand you have a large caseload..." Describe problems using "I" statements, not a "You" statements: Instead of: "You’re taking too long to get me the information I asked for." Try: "I’m concerned about the length of time it is taking to get the medical history on the child we inquired about." Ask for acknowledgement and clarification "Do I have all the information straight? Is there more I need to know?" Maintain an even voice tone, eye contact and non-offensive body language. Offer options and possible solutions "If scheduling is a problem, would it help if I came to your office instead?" Plan a time to follow-up "May I call you next Thursday to see if you have received the medical reports?" Be polite Always thank people and end conversations on a positive note. Be accessible Most social workers and social service agencies have limited resources and staff often assume many roles. The more accessible you are the better service you will receive. Provide daytime phone numbers and places where you can be reached. Attend all scheduled meetings and appointments, and be on time. If you must miss an appointment, call in advance. Be organized Write down everything, keep good notes, and remember to take them with you when you visit your agency. Make copies of everything you mail or turn in. Be sure the information you provide is legible and clean. Keep a log of all contacts, including dates and times, nature of contact (i.e. phone call, scheduled meeting, unplanned visit, etc.), names and titles of all people involved, and any promises made. Be flexible with your time. Be willing to take an afternoon off from work or be willing to travel outside of your community. Follow up every verbal contact in writing. Send a letter summarizing your phone conversation or meeting results. When speaking to someone who does not have an answer for you, plan a specific time to call back. Do not wait for a return call. Following Up Stay in frequent contact with your worker and your agency. Celebrate your victories. Let others know about what you have learned—share your knowledge. When problems occur Increase the frequency of your communications. Seek support from adoptive parent groups, Adoption Resource Network at Hillside Children’s Center, the North American Council on Adoptable Children representative, and/or child advocacy organizations. Avoid "us" versus "them" conflicts. Remember that you and your agency are working as a team. Move up the ladder one step at a time. If you have problems with a caseworker, go to his/her supervisor next, not directly all the way to the head of the agency. Use the agency’s formal grievance procedures. If you have exhausted internal mechanisms with no satisfactory resolution, get ideas, guidance, and support from more experienced members of your parent support group.